Do not give me money.
There is no committee, no filing, no account, and no legal way for me to accept your money that would not instantly make this a much less funny website.
A real campaign would have a bright red button here, a suggested amount already selected, and a pre-checked box making it recur monthly. This one has a paragraph explaining why it doesn't.
The moment a joke campaign starts taking money it stops being a joke and becomes a fundraising operation with a joke attached, which is a different and much worse thing. So: nothing is solicited, nothing is accepted, and there is nowhere to put it.
If the website moved you to spend money anyway, here is somewhere it will do something.
St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital
St. Jude treats children with cancer and other life-threatening diseases, and advances the research that treats the rest of them. Families never receive a bill from St. Jude for treatment, travel, housing, or food.
Donate at stjude.orgSt. Jude Children’s Research Hospital is not affiliated with this website, has not endorsed it, and is almost certainly unaware that it exists. The link goes to their own donation page. No money passes through this site, and this campaign receives nothing — no commission, no referral credit, no acknowledgment.
Other things that are also not for sale
- Merchandise. There are no hats. I have thought about the hats.
- A mailing list. Nothing here collects your email address.
- Endorsements, speaking slots, or access of any kind.
- The hamster wheel contract. That one is genuinely still open.